It is frustrating how the tired little expression “It’s democracy, get over, it” is trotted out, like a turd on a cocktail stick every time I use my democratic right to dissent. I have never felt less as though I am living in a democracy. Seeing my MPs silenced after just several seconds of speaking time, seeing sensible suggestions and safeguards smashed out of the way by an aggressive and highly secretive government so that a vague aim of leaving the EU has become something very much to the right of a broad spectrum of possible outcomes, does not feel democratic. I am truly shocked, shocked to my core at the spectacle of a Scottish MP being given just seconds of speaking time on an issue so vital to our country. I feel I have been lied to, had information withheld, that I have been deceived and that I have been vilified. I also feel that my right to free speech is tempered by the massive and media sponsored level of hatred to all voicing dissent. I think not twice but three times before I speak up now. And it also feels there is no point as no one is listening. In a democracy we all have input surely? The UK government was not elected by a majority of voters, and it has chosen a course that many, if not most voters find offensive and distasteful. So I have to say I opt out. The UK is over for me. I am a Scot because I have two Scottish parents and three Scottish grandparents. This is where I pin my hopes for the future now. I mean no harm to anyone, I mean to stand in no-one’s way if England has voted to leave the EU. But please understand that most Scots do not want to come out of Europe and into Trumpland with you. Nearly half of us want to leave the UK now, and many others are running out of love and loyalty to the Union, even if we waiver on independence. Scotland is a fairly left of centre country, pro-Europe and anti-Trump, anti-austerity and pro-equality. We do not take kindly to being bullied nor to being dismissed or being talked down to. With every government statement on Scotland, I cringe and steam in anger. “You’ve had your referendum…” “Scotland WILL be leaving with the rest of the UK.” “No way (is Scotland having a referendum.)”The Daily Express gloats and uses block capitals as it encapsulates our impotence. I hate it. I was called a ‘porridgewog’ today. The Union has taken on the characteristics of an abusive relationship, with a dominant partner creating an illusion of dependency and worthlessness, of benevolence and disdain, of lying and secrecy and above all an obsessive need to control and to isolate. I dread Scotland’s future under Brexit. I fear that our resources, once part of a larger EU, will be plundered by the UK. I fear that we will be powerless to stop the government dismantling our Scottish parliament’s power. I fear that we will be starved of young, new arrivals, who we need to pay our pensions. I joined the SNP in June 2016. I have not for one second regretted that choice. Independence is my last hope. If we lose Indyref2, I think it will break me, it will crush my soul and my spirit. I dread that happening as I dread death. I know I live in London and I have an English accent, my job and house and spouse are here. I was born in England. But I was forced to make a choice and I have chosen to be Scottish and European. So don’t hate me, but I want my country out of the UK because I am convinced that is what is best for my country. Scotland and the UK can and will remain the best and closest of friends, joined in a common travel area, in a shared monarchy and many, many other things besides. But we need to be free to make those big decisions about what is best for us.